The Darkest Side of Toxic Parenting

islamic parenting Jul 02, 2023

Recently at my clinic I encountered a young Muslim woman in her early 20s who came across very toxic.

From the onset, it was apparent that she believed herself to be unique and special and she held a very high importance of herself. She spoke of herself almost dreamily. ‘I am a dreamer, a farmer, a dancer, a lyricist, a wordsmith, an artist of many hats, a lover.’ 

She came to me with ‘childhood trauma’ and referred to herself as ‘Daddy’s girl.’ When I asked what the trauma was, she could not elaborate. Her recent recollection was that she had made friends with a boy on campus and he had ‘got the wrong idea’ that she was into him and she had no idea how to navigate his affections but they had somehow ended up alone and he had attempted some form of physical affection with her which made her realise she was not into men ‘but that I identify as a lesbian.’

As a faith aligned therapist, it is not my job to...

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Unravelling Roots

self love Jun 02, 2023

A large oak tree stands tall, looking healthy and strong. Little birdies come along and settle on its branches, whilst other birds and animals feed off its rich food source; acorn. People sit under the tree as its branches reach high and wide providing shade from the sunshine, the admirer however does not realise what is going on underneath below the surface and underground within its roots. The roots of the tree have become diseased, unless treated or if the tree does not fight back, the tree will suffer, eventually the problem below the surface will manifest above ground. 

Much like the large oak tree, we also fester with deep rooted issues inside us, but our onlookers, our friends, family, colleagues and even ourselves many a time may not always be aware of what’s going on internally. 

We manifest our emotions through the trials that we have had in life, some huge events that take place in our lives which go against the nature of our souls, the core of who we are,...

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PEACHES

healing foods Jun 02, 2023

HISTORY AND BACKGROUND

Peaches are believed to have originated in China as far back as from 6000BC.They belong to the genus Prunus, which includes the cherry, apricot, almond, and plum, in the rose family. 

Peaches and nectarines are the same species, though they are regarded commercially as different fruits. (The skin of nectarines just lack the fuzz!)

The scientific name Prumus persica, is derived from an early European belief that peaches were native to Persia (modern-day Iran) and literally means "Persian plum", as it is closely related to the plum.

General Trivia About Peaches 

The fruit is considered a symbol of longevity and good luck. This is particularly symbolic in China, the only country where peaches grow wild. They are the fruit of calmness. Peach aromas have demonstrated analgesic effects such as reducing the feelings of pain, lifting depression, and reducing anxiety. 

Nectarines are just peaches without the fuzz. The peach, Prunus persica (translates to...

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Teaching Your Children to Recognise Abuse

islamic parenting Jun 02, 2023

A friend and I were speaking and she noticed that before I left my boy with her, I made sure my name was the first dial on his phone, that he had enough credit to ring me, that the tracking was running on his phone as a precaution and that he knew which postcode he was staying at and our address off by heart. 

She looked at me knowingly. We’ve known each other for the duration of two children attending school in the same years. She smiled at me with understanding and no judgement. ‘I read somewhere, that a mum who protects too much, was never protected enough when she was growing up'.

This ran so true for me that I went home and dug out the newspaper clipping that had brought me closure 25 years after my brush with sexual abuse. It was an article that highlighted how a man in our tight knit community had been arrested for over a dozen counts of sexual abuse and grooming. When I was ten, I had come forward about it and not one member of my family was equipped to deal...

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The Different Kinds of Family Conflicts and The Emotional Impact (Recovering From Conflict)

islamic parenting May 02, 2023

So far, in this written series we have explored the different kinds of issues families face. Financial, physical, intimacy, infidelity, blended families and toxic family members have all been covered. People are quick to talk and argue about conflict, how often do people speak of the aftermath or the resolution or even the recovery?

Conflict within families, whatever the reason, causes stress. The impact isn’t seen straight away; I had a client who advised me that following redundancy, in his pursuit of a job he had been fine. Once he had found another job, his back had suddenly given way- he had suffered a perforated disc. He was also prone to headaches- which he had never suffered before. Doctors diagnosed a sedentary lifestyle and pain relief. Psychosomatics spoke differently- the client was no longer in a role he loved and so his life’s work had been taken away from him that he had literally broken his back for. The loss of job...

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Ramadhan Momentum

self love May 02, 2023

Keeping up our Ibaadah that we implemented during the blessed month of Ramadhan is just not realistic. Ramadhan is the month of ease, we do way more in that month than we do any other time of the year in the way of actions like Qur’an recitation, extra prayers, listening to lectures and attending the Masjid. Guilt can creep in when we start to let go of our good routines we established in Ramadhan, we can still feel the strong spiritual connection, however even that is dwindling away…how can we keep a hold of this? 

During Ramadhan we change our behaviours towards our daily distractions, we switch off Netflix or reduce our watching dramatically, social media reduced, connecting with others reduced especially that gossipy friend or relative, we avoid them even more than usual. It’s so easy to engulf ourselves into the spiritual realm as we shift our focus to our Devine Connection, and we have a wonderful Ramadhan creating good habits throughout the month....

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Pineapple Peel

healing foods Apr 02, 2023

HISTORY AND BACKGROUND

Last month I wrote about the Pineapple and the benefits of the fruit pulp. Most of us cut off the thick, prickly skin and just throw it away!!! Guess what? Pineapple peels actually are very helpful and have many medical benefits as well. 

The peel or back of Pineapple (Ananas comosus) is packed with nutrients, antioxidants, and other helpful compounds and can be eaten raw, boiled, or soaked in water. Let’s find out more about the nutritional values of pineapple peels so we stop trashing them.

  • Enhances digestion as the peels contain bromelain enzymes that aid with the breakdown of high protein foods
  • Acts as a diuretic - The pineapple peel contains various minerals that help eliminate toxins. When consumed, the minerals act as a natural diuretic and give your kidneys a cleanse.
  • Relieves cough and catarrh due to the anti-inflammatory agents in the peel. It reduces the mucous blocking the airways. 
  • Improves immunity as it is also rich in vitamin...
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Self-Forgiveness

self love Apr 02, 2023

Our sins and our mistakes can really weigh us down, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. We carry these around every-where, and at times in relationships that we feel we’ve let others down, our motivation for pursuing them can be guilt driven, or we’ve committed the mistakes which we feel we're not worthy of forgiveness. This mindset even makes us feel that we shouldn’t do just the basic in fulfilling our duties to Allah SWT because we are not good enough. There are numerous things that can curb our growth and hold us back, like an anchor to a ship! 

Well-meaning comments from others such as ‘it can happen to anyone, you’re only human’ doesn’t quite cut it…as much as they help us to try and move forward, and we try to let go of the past, it’s easier said than done…in fact we try to numb the guilt or the shame that we may feel and overcome by worthlessness.

What if we could just go on and forgive ourselves for...

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Pineapple

healing foods Mar 02, 2023

HISTORY AND BACKGROUND

Pineapple (Ananas comosus) is an incredibly delicious, healthy tropical fruit. This fruit has a tough rind made up of hexagonal units and a fibrous, juicy flesh which may be yellow to white in color. Pineapples may reach 1.5–1.8 m (5–6 ft) in height. Originating in South America, it was named by early European colonisers for its resemblance to a pine cone.  The pineapple was brought to Europe by Christopher Columbus.

 

 IMPRESSIVE HEALTH BENEFITS 

  • Low in calories, loaded with nutrients, like Vitamin C and Manganese.
  • High in Fibre
  • Contains disease-fighting antioxidants that may reduce risk of heart disease, diabetes and cancer.
  • May aid digestion due to the presence of bromelain which is a digestive enzyme that helps breakdown protein.
  • May reduce  risk of cancer. 
  • May boost immunity and suppress inflammation. 
  • Osteoarthritis Relief. 
  • The bromelain also helps to speed recovery after surgery or strenuous...
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The Different Kinds of Family Conflict and The Emotional Impact (Toxic Family)

islamic parenting Mar 02, 2023

In dealing with toxic traits, I started recognising some within myself too.  I took a step back and against my own will – or even nafs – a mental self-awareness came into check.  I started to see all the times I had been wrong.  A sense of shame crawled up and I found myself not liking who I was or had been. 

 

It’s so easy to pinpoint toxicity in others, but when we notice this trait, pause and do an audit on yourself; did we notice it because we have recognised the same within us?

 

I recently started noticing things in my own immediate family circle that I absolutely abhorred and it clouded how I saw the other person and my behaviour towards them.  It also left me shaken because I was certain they had lied to me.  I forgot to follow through on my own advice; what can I change and what can I control?  It impacted me more than I liked to admit.  It took me a few weeks to centre myself and find myself again.  I...

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