We’ve all done it at some stage, and I am certainly no exception; seeking validation.

It is most likely because we did not receive it growing up. Or we have insecurities. Or we feel like we are not good enough. But scrape beneath the surface and we will know whose voice we hear criticising us and whose voice we wanted to hear actually validating us.

What is validation?

Validation in this context is when you want to feel seen, heard and accepted. If you are seeking validation, it means you have the desire to have someone else’s approval and agreement with what you say and do. Humans are naturally social beings and we thrive from validation; the sense of belonging to a community is important to us. Just like in the Turkish series Ertugrul & its sequel Osman, every person belonged to a tribe and were cared for and accepted by that tribe. Loyalty and acceptance played a huge role in this and belonging to a tribe set...

When I became a therapist, one of the case studies that stands out so strongly is a fifteen-year-old client who had developed severe social anxiety. It was so extreme that if there was a change in her routine she would have a meltdown and even worse, she would seek validation in the most dangerous relationships; older men, men who encouraged drinking and drugs. When she came to me, she broke down the minute she sat in the room.

For all the negative feedback from her mother, I saw a young girl, lost, insecure struggling with accepting herself and not feeling like she belonged. She was beautiful, and exploited her beauty with fake additions to herself. As soon as she entered the room, I sensed a sadness or a void in her.

What appeared to be social anxiety where the young girl ventured out and believed herself to be under everyone’s scrutiny, then transpired that she had been seven years old, crying for her dad, and her mum who had divorced dad...

We’ve all made mistakes as parents.  Whether it’s losing it under stress, panic or tough times, the reality is that our children are the ones who have bore the brunt of it. 

Child-rearing has changed so much; both parents are now normally working; financial demands mean that both may even be working longer hours.  Little to no engagement with our children means that their source of validation comes from external sources or external family members who may step in as child care.  With very little time with our children, burn out from the demands of daily life, we lose touch with what’s important and so the guilt kicks in and so does the lack of understanding from parent to child and when they’re older, child to parent.  Not to mention our own traumas that we may be healing from which are then affecting the child.

Over the past few months, I have been working with a young girl of a tender 12 years.  Her case wasn’t rare;...

Carrying on from my last piece on Raising Children with Faith, today I focus on raising your child with L O V E.

We will all fiercely declare that we love our children. Of course, we do, but do they feel it? And that’s another thing, if you want your child to be engaged in faith, they should feel your love for the faith and for them too, not just a forced preaching of what they should and should not engage in.

This month at my wellbeing practise I have had an influx of children ranging from five to fourteen some of them with crippling social anxiety, others with unhealthy attachments to friends, others with gadget addictions and restlessness and insomnia. It had been unsettling; on the outset their parents were concerned and loving. But should you ask the child what they wish they had more of, nobody said, ‘the latest iPhone’ ‘more money’, or ‘popularity at school,’ (a common teen theme). These were the answers,...

This small narration has so much food for thought packed into it.

We tend to use our rational thinking more than the real seat of reason and intuition, our hearts.

According to traditional Eastern Medicine (TCM, Ayurveda, and Unani), People with liver issues who have an excess of liver heat are likely to have anger issues. When a person is angry, they show a lack of mercy. The Prophet (PBUH) has mentioned doing ablution when angry, to extinguish the ‘fire’ and if you are angry while standing to sit, and if a person is still angry, to lie down i.e. to discharge the heat and connect to the ground.  The Earth is cooling by its very nature. 

The spleen is connected to the stomach; they represent the Earth element. The Earth is like our mother, our first source of nourishment. The love the mother instills in us is the ability to care for our ‘mother,’ ourselves, and ultimately care for others.

A person who is imbalanced in this respect may require...

Article contributed by Umm Yusra

In this day, we are sadly seeing the decline of Islamic knowledge especially in our youth. At the same time, Islamic literature and advice is easily accessible, there are a multitude of spiritually motivating speakers and so many websites to assist us. So, what is the issue exactly?

I was sitting with a friend’s daughter and it was raining. Trying to bring some positivity into our conversation, I mentioned that rain is actually a blessing and there’s a duaa to pray in extreme rain. She was shocked in the way that only a seven year old can be when their world has been shaken with a fact. ‘No! Rain is when Shaitaan pees on your head for not wearing a hijab.’ I was initially amused but was quick to correct her with the fact that punishment is not dished by Shaitaan and that rain definitely is not urination from the aforementioned! However, once the moment passed, I was able to process that my young...

The word boundaries have come up time and time again via memes, healing bandwagon groups, and friends’ circles.

Recently it came up via a message from a mum. She said ‘I don’t feel respected.’

This is a big thing for me as disrespecting a parent was a big no in my childhood home. The brown parent slipper was always easily accessible as the last resort. What was not accepted was backchat, swearing, insubordinate behavior, and lack of respect for elders. If we ever spoke back or behaved out of line, our parents would want to know why. And then the punishment would ensue.

With my own children, from the onset, I made it clear that violence would never be an option. Having left a violent relationship myself, and living with a brother who thought it was OK to use his strength to control what we said and how we behaved, I could not be the physically abusive parent. So, when people praised my children on their manners and behavior...

"This book is a small hidden doorway to the secret garden of our own true happiness and the prospect of an emotional life free of destructive tensions…"

Know Yourself

Alex Carberry

How do you know when a book is a real gem?

Its beauty, knowledge, connection to your innate qualities radiate spiritually and physically.

As a mother, simply when your child says "can I read that book?"

This is one of those books.

Taken from Sufi traditions, the wisdom of Sufi masters put in plain and simple, easy to read. I devoured it in one short sitting.

I remember years ago, asking a friend, "If you were a season, which one would you be and why?" I knew my answer. 

This book confirmed it as I sniggered and gasped throughout when I recognized myself, my children, my friends, and even my colleague's personality type or temperament. 

Open your eyes to what you subconsciously know about yourself and others.

'Know yourself' helps you to discover your (and others) true nature, to find...