THE EFFECT OF TOXIC BEHAVIOUR ON WELLBEING AND HEALTH

By Umm Yusra

I recently had a few cases of fertility issues come into the clinic where I practise Aafiyah Healing as a healing therapy for pain and other health conditions.

I’ve been committed to Aafiyah Healing for just over three years and it has become apparent that once parents are out of survival mode, and they’re well into their retirement, their offspring bear the brunt of the upbringing around a childhood home where emotional and often physical abuse was present.

A month ago I explored the effects of toxic behaviour on mental health. Depression, anxiety, skin and stomach disorders are very common. But what isn’t spoken about is the effects of an overbearing toxic parent or partner on women.

The issue isn’t apparent straight away. However, come the time of ‘I’m ready to conceive,’ women suddenly find themselves unable to. In come all the help today’s professionals can offer – homoeopathy, nutritionist, womb health coach, acupuncturists, cupping and so forth. 

But what I’ve found in psychosomatics is the root cause and the commonality of such womb issues ranging from PCOS, fibroids, and the most devastating – infertility.

Here are some of the common childhood themes that affect womb health:

• An unhealthy female authoritative figure; someone who displays being a woman as being a disadvantage and makes you feel the same.
• An overbearing father who sees the first born daughter as a breadwinner and financially abuses her.
• An overwhelm of adult responsibilities passed on from primary caregivers where the daughter is seen as a free workforce and childcare provider.
• Immense pressure to fit an ideal
• Constant criticism of appearances and actions.
• Exposure to adult themes from sexual violence, physical violence and also adult conversations from a very young age.

One of the alarming cases was a client in her mid-twenties being told her womb was completely dried up and ‘shrivelled.’ I went through her childhood with her; from a young age she had been exposed to tumultuous relationships, constantly criticised over her weight and appearance, and also had a very abusive older brother and an absent father. When I went through her childhood events it seemed her womb had taken on a maternal role from the tender age of seven. So it stood to reason that by the age of twenty-five, the client’s womb was older than her physical years.

Another case was a client in her mid-thirties; diagnosed with endometriosis and struggling to conceive. When asked about her relationship with her parents, she replied, ‘they’re the reason I had doubts about having children in the first place.’

In dealing with just over a dozen cases of fertility, I got the same theme.

Why can an adverse childhood or an overbearing parent affect a woman’s fertility? Because a young girl may have to grow up too soon and be made to believe that she simply isn’t safe stepping into her natural feminine role.

The controversial opinion regarding the widespread of feminism may also contribute to fertility issues. But the true consequence of Western feminism is that a woman is sold a myth that she can ‘have it all’ and ‘doesn’t need a man.’ In that line of thought, women avoid commitments and don’t feel safe stepping down from their masculine energy and it can effectively destroy the natural role of the womb. When you look at the absence of natural roles and a toxic masculine figure, whether it’s a partner or former authoritative figure from childhood, the woman has never felt safe to embrace her womb space or nurture it and so that is where womb issues come into play.

The first young client I mentioned, her womb, from being forced to take on caregiver role from the age of seven, to being around an absent toxic father and then marrying an absent husband, had aged significantly. I guessed that because she had been given so much responsibility from such a young age, she felt exhausted with life and wanted a child just to fulfil her partner. The client confirmed these to be her pattern.

In the case of other clients who had married into a traditional household where in-laws and newlyweds lived together and there was emotional abuse, due to the amount of anxiety caused, their stomachs were constantly upset. Many then went onto having irregular periods which then led to fertility issues. One client described her stomach as always being in knots. After extensive Mizan therapy, she was referred to me and in two sessions, she was told her acid levels had dropped in her stomach and her hormone levels were returning to normal. Six sessions later, a lot of emotional release and self-care maintenance, her womb health was slowly coming back to where it should be.

A recent client of mine advised that whilst in a healthy marriage, she found that her husband had a resistance to having children because of his own relationship with his mother. And this was another common theme of the after effects of toxicity in families: where men doubted the safety of the world they’d be bringing their children into or strongly doubted they could be good parents because of their primary caregiver not being a healthy example of a parent.

Whilst we cannot change the environment, we can work on releasing any negative impact the past has on us and recognising where we need to let go to feel safe again in our God given roles. As always, heal in whichever way is favourable for you; counselling, coaching, therapy or alternative healing methods. But heal so you don’t pay your trauma forward.

Recognise what needs changing and work on it. Being aware is the first step, the rest comes out of commitment to your self-care.

I pray that we are all able to collectively heal from and forgive those who hurt us to help us lead more fulfilling, wholesome lives. Ameen